A mid-life crisis…I thought I was so unique, but this self-actualization was actually quite typical. A man's version would be more concrete like buying a boat or a motorcycle. Then came the notion of the old beau rehash…the Facebook friending type of rehash. Mack was on and we reconnected.
At University in the '80's, he was a talented photography major with long, dark hair parted down the middle, a deep thinker and very deep black eyes to match. Little did I realize how the brain plays games in memory- it assumes nothing changes in twenty something years!
So we meet in a tiny, well-rated tapas bar in New York and I am already feeling guilty for being there, for even breathing for that matter. So I would not have recognized Mack if he had come up to me and told me his name! Time puts a patina on us all…as long as we agree to go with it, not fight it. Almost a quarter of a decade had passed and the changes seemed immense. His shiny black hair was gone and so were the majority of the pieces of a person I thought I knew. But after the first glass of wine and the calming exercises I did when I excused myself to go to the bathroom, memories resurfaced and he revealed his core self to me.
His eyes carried the weight of the world on his shoulders when he looked at me, I remembered his uncanny ability to stare deep into me with unblinking penetration. This led to a walk to my car, followed by a good hour of deep passionate making out, just like a college girl would do…a little boob and lots of necking. This necking led to the firing up and kick-start to my new life as a single woman. My loins were on fire.
The thing I always liked about Mack was that we had an uncanny ability to stop time, communicate deeply and intellectually. He reached my soul somehow and was able to be in the moment and capture time. I guess that was his talent as a romantic and visual artist.
Our encounter lasted about 6 months. Neither of us were ready to be in a committed relationship. He made this quite clear from the start and after a few delightful encounters I saw that his job was his only real focus. He didn’t really show any sense of urgency to see me and I was bouncing my feelings around and turned him away. I was trying not to react to things but nevertheless did. We parted ways, and yet again I was fairly sure that this was not the final curtain for us.
Since the dawn of Facebook, revisiting of old friends and lovers is intrinsic with the territory. Fragments of people and attraction from the past is still lodged in portions of today's mind. In my case I was able to live out my fantasy although laden with adult truisms. Mid-life love is so different to youthful love. It is like dark chocolate...rich, complex and bittersweet.