All of this is well and good but I sometimes feel like the effort to fuel our relationship is mainly from my side. Possibly I have taken this on board throughout our marriage and now it has become habitual for me to book the tickets, arrange dinners and think about our relationship. It has never been in my husband's nature to make me feel special or to surprise me with thoughtful gifts or gestures. Most of the time I can keep any resentment for this in check and balance any negative thoughts by reminding myself of his many attributes. However at this particular point in our lives the balance was tipping and I was harboring more resentment and frustration than usual.
One evening while out with my girlfriends we had our usual mix of alcohol and intimate conversations. This time is therapy for us all and we value it highly. Our collective mood was high and we had re-energized each other, it was time to dance so we moved our group to the dance floor. I have always loved to dance and will admit that I am pretty confident with my moves thanks to my recent Zumba classes! There weren't many people dancing so we quickly became aware of each other. His moves began to fit with mine and our timing and eyes locked. At first we simply enjoyed the shared love of dancing and encouraged each other with more daring and provocative moves. He was at least fifteen years younger than me and not my usual type at all but there was an electrical current that surged between us. As our bodies wound around each other the heat between us rose, our mouths became the vessel of the music. The kissing was about as intense as it could be and lasted for several minutes until we came up for air.
I have never been unfaithful and this was new territory. For as much as I knew it was wrong I could not stop myself. The young, hot man in front of me desired me so much and was telling me how special I was in that moment. It was delicious and the kissing began again at a furious pace that neither of us really understood. My friends tell me that they couldn't keep their eyes off us. The bar was closing and I had the obvious choice in front of me…
I shook all the way home in my friend's car. Did that just happen? How did I let that happen? We have some friends that are totally friends for a reason and my girlfriend calmly helped me see that encounter for what it was. She simply put it as an extension of the dance. On that particular night, I had needed to dance out my passion, my rage and let myself go.